My life is a mess right now.

My mother bought a house in East Hartford. Im happy that she finally has a house, but why now? Why my senior year?!! I cant just up and leave and not finish what I started…

Every year of high school I lived in a new place. We’ve barely stayed in one house for a year. I cant deal with all the moving. Especially not now. This is my senior year. I’ve worked so hard to get this far. I’m currently meeting my school’s standards. I cant just move to a new school and change everything and have me end up having to re-do things I have already done or not be able to graduate with my class. I cannot and will not have that.

I wouldnt have mind that much if it was during or after sophomore year. Atleast i could have braced myself for that, been able to adapt.  Not now, not after 10 years.

Part of me knows it’s just the fact that Im leaving NB and the other part of me knows its the fact that I will loose some of my friends. Part of me wants to see East Hartford. Another part knows that I have to finish school here, to go this prom, graduate from this school or it wont be the same.

WHy now?!!!

Im so upset that my mom didn’t even seem to factor me or my brother into the equation, well maybe my brother but certainly not me. Her main reason for moving is the fact that East Hartford is closer to her job than the town we live in now is. Also that it would be easier to put my brother onto the bus in the morning.

That’s not a good enough reason for me to go, leave this all behind. I cannot, I will not. I refuse.

I told my mom twice how much I didn’t want to leave, both times I started crying. That last time, which was on Saturday, she told me how she really felt. I started arguing with her about how this is changing my life. Then she asks me if I want to move or not, after the fact, after everything is said, done, and paid for. WTF?!!!! It’s ridiculous. Anyway, we still kept arguing. Then she pulled her “Well if you dont like it you can get the fuck out and live with someone else routine!”, but this time was different, she talked about emancipating me and telling me not to come so that I could “be out of her life” and she could be out of mine. This time I really took a look at everything.

I dont want to leave NB and I really need to stay here. I think it will be better for me. I need to stay here, without my mom. Im sure that if I move with her to East Hartford things will only get worse for our bad relationship. I hope that my mom will give my monthly child support to me so I could give it to the person I hope I will be staying with.

I have to know tonight.